see, i never believed in fate. when i was younger i always thought that the problem with the judeo-christian concept of the afterlife was that you didn't get to go back and fix your mistakes. bad things often happen to us as a result of one stupid mistake that we made, and we always say "i wish i could just go back and change that." so i had this idea that the afterlife could be a big desk with a book on it. you sit at the desk and go through the book (which is your life) fixing what didn't go well. because of this theological theory of mine, i spent most of my life withe the idea that everything i did was being recorded and could be edited later. that's the funny thing about religion. you invent a theory that you like the sound of and all of a sudden it feels true.
anyway, it occurred to me recently that if you were to go back and change certain experiences in a person's life, you would end up tweaking that person's character. everything that happens to you informs you in some way. missing the subway means that you are a person who has recently missed the subway. this is particularly true when one is at such a young age as myself, and everything that happens greatly affects one's experience. so, i decided that everything that happens, happens. not that i believe in fate. i just believe that, well...
we are living in a certain universe where things are going to happen. every fork in the road, every series of events, affects the universe. that is not to say that every chain of events has been previously planned out by the fates or the norns or whatever, but that every chain of events happens. this is harder to explain than i thought.
let me put it this way: god did not write The Book of What Will Happen. The Book of What Will Happen is being written as things happen, and events are random and unavoidable, even though they are not planned. there are an infinite number of possible fates that all depend on things like whether someone in australia gets up five minutes later or whether you eat pretzels or popcorn. things will happen. do not try to manipulate them.
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2 comments:
very strong post. made me think about religion in an all new scary way. im afraid now. but thats ok.
it's very true. I beleive that everything matters, but sop worrying about tit, because what will happen will happen, and if you work so hard to try and change it, you won't be experiencing what is happening NOW. And I also believe that to get into such tiny details as in popcorn or pretzels is not so importnat than food or none at all. You need to zoom out. But thena gain, I could be wrong. you'll never know, since you can't live out a million lives, a million different path for each second of the quadrillions we will live.
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