It is impossible to be a mathematician without being a poet in soul.

numbers are so facinating. in a way, they are really a metaphor for humanity itself. we started with one two three and then we got zero and then the philosophy came in so we have things like negative square roots and integers and imaginary numbers and i and pi and calculus and statements like
there are three leaves on this tree. therefore, there are at least three objects in the universe.
when i was young, i said to my daddy
i hate math. its just a bunch of boring numbers that don't mean anything.
and he said
don't think of it that way, then. think of it as...think of it as the magic secrets that unlock the code of the universe.
or something like that. and the fact is, the basic stuff, which is pretty much everything you do in school up to seinor AP math, is boring. it is. at least to me, it is. but then, when you know that stuff, you get into the whole magic taoist school of mathematical thought and its amazing. i'm not old enough yet to be there, but i have glimpsed at it from afar and it looks wonderful.

i don't see what all the fuss is about

why is everyone so upset that people don't know correct grammar anymore? isn't the fundamental point of language just to communicate? and if we're doing that, why does it matter?

these are the days of miracle and wonder and don't cry baby don't cry

i have a theory. and it is this: we are living in the future.
(well, we are actually always living in the future, and the past, and the present, as i stated in another post. i can't find that post, tho, so i can't make a link to it. ah, well.)
anyway, we're living in the future. and this is why: it's possible to do so many things without talking to anyone. you can study, interview, get directions, buy things, find where to buy things, make art, write news articles, make business deals, *hail taxis*, even! you can do everything independently. and that is how i know that we are in the future; we are relying on machines to do most simple tasks for us. i cannot decide whether that is a good thing or a bad thing.
incidentally, this is the topic of one of my favorite star trek episodes, the ultimate computer. see it. its awesome.

clear water

sometimes, when you get to know someone very well, you can say things that don't make very good sense or or only make poetic sense in regular conversation, and that's ok. what annoys me about regular conversation is how prepared and conventional it is, how you first have a thought, then formulate a sentence that is mundane and simple, and then you say it. people always wonder how other animals communicate, and the answer is that they are actually more highly developed than we are. they don't have an accepted format for how to tell each other things, they just *say* things. its an art. sometimes people can look at each other and say things without speaking, but its usually just a single sentence in a conversation.
we're so formal. we're the most formal creatures on earth. even though other creatures have elaborate rituals for specific things like mating, we have elaborate rituals for *everything*. we over-think things. its what we do. and on the one hand, that's great, because we get to have all kinds of deep and interesting thoughts, but on the other hand, we forget to clearwatermountainbuddhalive. you know what i mean?

i am so sorry

that i am hardly ever posting. i am going thru a very stressful time in my life right now and i never have time. i will be able to post more often soon.

the very sad haiku

very, very, very, ver-
y, very, very, very
very, very, sad.

molly crabapple

Look for the bare necessities The simple bare necessities Forget about your worries and your strife

sitting in a huge field of grass.
its the one thing that i keep coming back to. its like an addiction. just that experience. i keep needing to find a field of grass, or something like it, and plunk down in the middle of it, craning my neck back to see the sky. you see, i live in a very intense city, and there are absolutely no fields of grass anywhere. i occasionally make do with a barricaded concrete street or a park, but i need the field. you know how, when you're hungry, you can tell what you're hungry for by picturing different foods in your head? whenever i'm sad or lonely for no real reason, i think about that endless green expanse and realize that that's what i'm hungry for.

a brief summary of my theological theories

wind. sharp, crisp wind. sneaked out of hebrew school class, where people were eating oreos and talking about israel. intricately carved brownstones on all sides around me. abandoned rooftop playground. wet. deep breath. stand on top of monkey bars. deep breath. sing. sinnnnngggggg.....
-hello.
-hi.
(beat)
-sooooo...
i feel stupid.
-why?
(begin to cry)
-don't cry, shhh...let go...
-letgoletgoletreallygo.
mysterious singing inside my brain that no one could possibly articulate into words.
-letgoletgoletreallygo...