teddy bear

everyone has a teddy bear. we usually associate random things that give people comfort with little kids, but everyone has their calmer-downer. for me, its reading the same books over and over, and watching the same movies. especially star trek. for some reason, watching old star trek episodes calms me down a LOT. probably its because i associate star trek with watching star trek with my dad when i was little, before life got complicated. well, actually, thats not true. little kids lives are just as hard as everyone else. its just that little kids minds make SENSE. and let me tell you, adolescent minds DO NOT make sense. none at all. we're insane, we really are. random things make us happy and sad, and we hate a lot of people and love a lot of people for the most tiny, random reasons. and we all want a teddy bear. i havent been a grown up yet, but i think that they want teddy bears too. we want thing to make SENSE, you know? teddy bears are so simple, so loving, all your problems just melt away in their little black eyes. i have to go to bed now. its past my bedtime. goodnight.

Fashion is a form of ugliness so intolerable that we have to change it every six months.

floramundi- a world of flowers

i was walking through the forrest. well, it wasnt really a forrest. it was more like the space between two neighbors' houses in an area somewhere between nature and suburbia. i was on a "nature walk" to "get some fresh air". these are both quotes from my father. well, for me nature walks are about finding things interesting, and i had found nothing so far. so i was just about to give up and go home when i found the car.
it was periwinkle, my favorite color. the controls inside looked really old fashioned, like from the 50s maybe. in metal cursive, on the side of the car, was the word Gremlin. but neither the fabulous name, nor the fabulous color were the amazing part. the car was full of flowers. not just little white moldy ones, but daisies and roses and lilies and peonies and tulips and dandelions and baby's breath and jasmine and every flower you could possibly think of. they covered the inside of the car, and filled the hood and the trunk. the roof was beginning to crack from the strain of the enormous bouquet. it was the most beautiful thing i have ever seen.

the tree

the tree was such a dark brown that it was nearly black. it wasn't exactly tall, but it wasnt short either. hundreds of initials carved into the bark covered the surface of the tree, revealing the fleshy pale color underneath. the branches were as thick and strong and easy to climb on, like a comforting father's arms. the tree felt ancient, mythical, tall and proud. it was a shady storytime tree from a fairy tale, sitting in the middle of a modern park filled with pigeons, dog walkers, and lovers. it was ridiculously out of place. the tree was a gruff old man with a twinkle in his eye. it was jaded, yet happy as a child. the tree stood there, taking the embarrassment of its inappropriate setting the best it could, and permitting a small child with skin the color of its bark to hide among the branches.

The Quarrel of Oberon and Titania

mother nature is stoned. we have pumped her full of poison and she has gone crazy. she tries to love her children the way she used to, but she is incapable of thought or reasoning. she kisses us with snowfeathers in spring, and she hugs us with sunshine in winter. we laugh at her absentmindedness, but we fail to remember that it was us who drove her insane. mother nature has been driven off the edge. she is a crazy old woman.

the key to inspiration

the way to say something interesting is to say only a half-thought. if you just say the end of your thought, or the revelation, people won't understand it, because they wont know what led you there. on the other hand, if you say a half-finished thought, its more interesting for a person to dive into, because they get to do some of the thinking themselves. for example, an example of an unfinished thought is: the feel of the twilight air made him weep. ok, thats really corny, but its just an example. an finished thought would be: he was cold and lonely and the darkness, combined with the chilly air, made him want to be warm. not as interesting, right? thats because i came to a conclusion by myself. there is no room for interpretation.

number nonsense

i have figured out why blogger tells me i have made more posts than appear on the actual blog. it is because blogger is counting the unpublished posts. so, counting the unpublished posts, this is the 107th post, but not counting them, this is only the 101st.

harry potter

i just watched harry potter with my family, for the first time since i was nine. and i didnt watch the recent movies, where theyre all 25 and making out. i watched the first one. and it was so... i remembered so much. i remembered when i watched that movie for the first time, and how i said that harry potter looked just like my friend roob, and how i used to get scared at the part where professor quirrel turns into voldemort, and i remembered how it used to be. how i used to be. and for some reason, it didnt depress me at all. it just made me very happy. i really loved that movie when i was little, and i think i still do.

the only translation we can give for the word "tao" is the vague phrase, "the path", or "the way"

everyone must have a path to follow. if there is no path, we stand totally still and get nothing done. everyone must do their small bit in altering the course of history for the better. there is a jewish expression: "you are not required to complete the work, nor are your free to ignore it." so here is my bit, my piece, my pledge, my path: i will create something awesome. something that will make people smile. something fabulous. here is my current idea:
i will build a building based on rennesance churches, but with only natural, non-religious imagery. and it will be a marketplace, kind of like a flea market, where people go sell their stuff. and i will paint every inch of it with poems. and 50% of all profits will go to charity. and on weekends, it will be like an actual church, but without the bible or jesus or anything like that. just a church of poety and song and happiness. it will be the most beautiful place in the world.

o dear, jeannie was rite

i have not been outside in centuries. i am a vampire. i have forgotten how to feel. i am stuck in a bowl of nothingness. i am numb. or perhaps i am only numb compared to the over-the-top emotions i usually have. maybe this is how people are supposed to feel. if so, life is really boring. here is a picture i really like. its from my favorite comic series.

in case you can't see, he's saying "hell is for children."

more gay wildlife

http://www.telegraph.co.uk/earth/wildlife/4962394/Blue-Ducks-
likely-to-die-out-in-UK-after-male-birds-get-together.html

and the children shall lead.

i think that the hardest adjustment make as an adolescent is people not loving you immediately. you're not the kid, you're a person. you're not just your parents kid. thats how people define youngins. another thing is not being constantly showered with love. you have to actually talk for yourself, you have to prove that you're special. you're not a symbol of love and innocence anymore. i think that love, as in romantic love, is the only emotional advantage grownups have over kids. besides that, kids have way more emotionally fun minds.

the finish which is not final.

this is the 100th post. it feels like the end of something. not only on this blog, but in my life. i think i have finally figured out what ive been trying to find out; its better not to try. its better not to spend all your time wondering about the nature of the universe, because this doesn't make you smarter. it only makes you disconnected, so that when you finally have time to do something fun, you only get sentimental about "oh, yeah, i remember what fun is." you write poetry about things instead of actually doing them. oh, yes, you have emotions, but theyre exaggerated, theyre fake. poetry is dangerous, because it enables you to see the world from a clear perspective.

this is the 99th post

this is the light at the end of the tunnel. we are holding on desperately to the bare threads of the double digit reality. we are making jokes to try to comfort the nonsense of our nightmare. we are twirling down a vortex in the moon. the beach is further away as we warp time and leave the lightyears within reason. we are in deep space now. no one can hear us scream. we are winning the world record for loneliness. we are insane, and so is everyone else. but we are the only ones who will admit it. the stars are only broken christmas lights as we descend into the light of new jersey
this is the last midnight, this is the last day of sanity. the world as we know it is ending, and a new era is coming. we dont want it to come, but its already here, its already upon us. it rips out our guts and tells us that this is just a normal human transition, but it isn't. its full of moonshine and starshine and the sunshine is bare and sandy. we cant appreciate anything, we cant think with our third eye.
our third eye is rapidly closing, we are waking up and laughing at our sanity. tomorrow i will laugh at this post, but it will be only through self-delusion. it will be because i want to stay sane, because i want to deny the perpetual apocalypse that is my life.
my delusions are always apocalyptic because i sense change and i hate it.
i i i i am the bald eagle of america.
STOP MOVING!!

argument i had with my conscience this morning.

my conscience takes the form of jeannie from hair.

Conscience: i can't believe you're doing this. you're letting the system get to you. you are willingly thinking like a robot.
Me: school is supposed to teach you how to think like a robot, so when you get a job that requires that, youll know what to do.
Conscience: so thats what you want? you want to rot away in some mind-numbing job your whole life?
Me: no, i want to be able to change the world somehow.
Conscience: you cant fix the system by participating in it.
Me: yes, you can. look at harvey milk.
Me: ok, bad example.
Me: but still. its easier to fix things if you know how. you cant fix anything by sitting around doing nothing.
Conscience: being happy is not nothing.
Me: saying that its ok to sit and be happy while other people are suffering is just selfish.
Conscience: there is no hope for you, straight kid.

thank you, mr cat

“Be Who You Are and Say What You Feel Because Those Who Mind Don't Matter and Those Who Matter Don't Mind.”
somehow, i cant help thinking that this snow day is no coincidence. i cannot help but think that somehow, The Great Cat planned this, that he wanted this to be a day for the children to play. mr. seuss wanted his birthday to be a time of celebration, not a blue monday. i like to think that if we look hard enough, we can find rings of pink in the snow, and thing 1 and thing 2 throwing snowballs at each other. this is a magical day.

thank you lola for the information that today is his birthday.

thank you, edward scissorhands

and the deliciousness of the flakes of ice cascaded down from the smooth white sky. and i prayed to the mother in thanks and she prayed to me in the beauty of winter...

schnee 雪 снежок nieve 눈 hó salju sne neige

my little bro's post

my favorite best friend is ben 10

it was a lousy TV, but it made a lovely breakfast.

what if you were cruising down the Free Way in an indigo car at -90 miles per hour and you ran into a beam of light?