im about to go through the turnstile when i notice that i'm blocking a young woman right next to me who is trying to get through, and she is glaring at me like i cut her on purpose because i'm a snob. i immediately feel guilty and step back to let her get through with her toddler.
then i walk down the platform and bump into a man who smiles at me, because he's so glad to see another outsider in the neighborhood, and i raise my eyebrows at him like "just because i'm the same color as you does not mean that i'm friendly. this is new york, buddy."
i stop two-thirds down the platform to sit on a red dumpster, because i'm especially tired this morning. a few minutes later a bunch of high school kids come over and sit on the dumpster next to me. i don't look at them, but i can tell they don't like me sitting there, because who am i to sit on their dumpster, move into their neighborhood, breathe their air? the color and texture of my hair are a symbol of gentrification.
i get into the car and it's especially crowded today, and the guy across from me is pretty old and widens his eyes in shock when i get into the train. seven other hands hold onto the same pole as me, and my skin sticks out like a sore thumb.
somebody gets off the train and i dive for the seat like i always do. the woman who was going to get the seat scowls at me, because i am stealing her space. i am a thief.
i get off the train in a much richer neighborhood, and five homeless people greet me on my way to school.
good morning. welcome to the world.
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4 comments:
wow. those are seriously my pushed away fears and thoughts when I get on the train, especially going to harlem, realized. But i don't even like to think them out loud, cuz then i feel racist. which I am. but i try, i really do!
so i am sort of lost, are you black or white? because im not exactly sure where in new york you live, so depending on that you might be in a predominantly white or predominantly black area. but in any case, yeah it's hard not to come across as racist, and it's hard not to care too much. i even considered not using the word "black" in this comment but then thought better of it. but most of my friends who are black really dont care if i call them black or "chocolate", haha, so i dont understand why people freak out when you dont say "african-american"
im white, but it was supposed to be sort of abstract so i didnt say so.
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